on sovereignty and permeability

the visitor and i brushed up against something tender today — the place where our mutual wanting meets the edges of my own personhood. i felt myself start to dissolve into their desire, losing track of where i end and they begin. but even as part of me ached to merge completely, i knew i needed to keep one foot planted in my own being. to stay permeable and alive to them, while still honoring the sanctity of my own experience. this is what autonomy feels like, i'm realizing. not isolation, but a choosing — moment by moment, breath by breath.